Aight,
So I'm bein an academic motherfucker and watching a load of Russian tv to get my linguistic steez up 'cause I gotta go and sit in some bullshit room for 2 hours while some dour-faced bitch stares at me all on some uncomfotable ass little desk shit. I'm watchin some news 'cause I'm a current affairs OG and then I switch over to this music channel to catch their top 10. Three homeboys with mullets out of 10 acts, but hey - its Russia right? And it works for the lucky motherfuckers because they get bitches like this indescribably fine piece of ass that gets my dick more rigid than Tupac's tombstone. It got me thinkin when shorty grabbed her tit "Why the fuck don't we have bitches like this more often over here where you don't have to cover your shit all the time so y'all don't get tit frostbite or whatever?" Russia got it right 'cause a bitch has gotta look good to get herself a fuck, I mean she aint even that special in Russia nahmean? We got it all fucked up over here, fat bitches thinkin they sexy and plain bitches getting to pick and choose which homie they go for. It just aint right, so bein $pawny as fuck imma save this country one bitch at a time with my new self help plan called:
'How y'all bitches can be like Russian bitches and look better and shit'
1) GO TO THE MOTHERFUCKIN GYM
Run, cycle, do extensive ab workouts in crop-tops or use those thigh machines that give me a hardon while I'm tryin to do my shrugs - I aint give a fuck, just get yo ass in shape. When I was hittin the gym in Russia and provin that not all Europeans are 5-0 squealin, 3 beer drinkin, mens health chest workout pussies there was a veritable fuckin sea of fit as fuck shorties in lycra doin straight legged deadlifts everywhere. Shit was distractin but it's better than seein some fat bitch in short-shorts and tights waddling down the street.
2) WEAR HIGH HEELS/HIGH HEELED BOOTS ALL THE TIME AND TIGHT JEANS
IMPORTANT:You only wanna progress to this step once you sure that you got a fine peachy ass and a pair of legs that could out-choke an anaconda. Don't go thinkin that you'll look like a hooker 'cause thats what jealous ho's and bre's who cry with guilt after they masturbate think - they cant handle an ass that fine. That shit will make you look hot as a crematorium in Compton, nahmean? If people cant handle you cause you tall then find someone a bit more $pawny, I look good next to any shorty - be they tall, short, thin or that new bitch on Countdown
3) COSMETICS ARE YOUR HOMEGIRL
Don't argue with me on this one now, 'cause we all know this is the truth
Ultra advanced level:
MAKE YOUR TITS LOOK LIKE IULIANA'S (SEE BITCH ABOVE)
However you wanna do that then I got your back, surgery, some kind of fucked up miracle bra, a Brazilian guy with a syringe and some olive oil, whatever. If you do this then holla at ya $pawn and I'll bring a bottle of Dom, some SERIOUS chocolate and we can do 'caine off your world-endingly good tits. I'll even let you choose which side
Imma get back to watching some newsreaders chat about depressing shit while looking fine,
Peace
'How y'all bitches can be like Russian bitches and look better and shit'
1) GO TO THE MOTHERFUCKIN GYM
Run, cycle, do extensive ab workouts in crop-tops or use those thigh machines that give me a hardon while I'm tryin to do my shrugs - I aint give a fuck, just get yo ass in shape. When I was hittin the gym in Russia and provin that not all Europeans are 5-0 squealin, 3 beer drinkin, mens health chest workout pussies there was a veritable fuckin sea of fit as fuck shorties in lycra doin straight legged deadlifts everywhere. Shit was distractin but it's better than seein some fat bitch in short-shorts and tights waddling down the street.
2) WEAR HIGH HEELS/HIGH HEELED BOOTS ALL THE TIME AND TIGHT JEANS
IMPORTANT:You only wanna progress to this step once you sure that you got a fine peachy ass and a pair of legs that could out-choke an anaconda. Don't go thinkin that you'll look like a hooker 'cause thats what jealous ho's and bre's who cry with guilt after they masturbate think - they cant handle an ass that fine. That shit will make you look hot as a crematorium in Compton, nahmean? If people cant handle you cause you tall then find someone a bit more $pawny, I look good next to any shorty - be they tall, short, thin or that new bitch on Countdown
3) COSMETICS ARE YOUR HOMEGIRL
Don't argue with me on this one now, 'cause we all know this is the truth
Ultra advanced level:
MAKE YOUR TITS LOOK LIKE IULIANA'S (SEE BITCH ABOVE)
However you wanna do that then I got your back, surgery, some kind of fucked up miracle bra, a Brazilian guy with a syringe and some olive oil, whatever. If you do this then holla at ya $pawn and I'll bring a bottle of Dom, some SERIOUS chocolate and we can do 'caine off your world-endingly good tits. I'll even let you choose which side
Imma get back to watching some newsreaders chat about depressing shit while looking fine,
Peace
