Voyeurism

Aight,

So I was chillin out a few weeks ago and I had to watch an episode of Big Brother because my homie wouldn't give me the remote and maybe he's into that masochism ting but only on his brain or whatever. Anyways there's some shortys chattin about whatever vapid shit that bitches who not only like this shit but have like 15 free weeks of their life to try and impress 14 year old girls on tv chat about and as y'all can see the bitches aint bad; one of them's a wrestler according to the squealing, perfumed retards who get paid to write for bitches magazines on the internet so this piece of finerys probably got thighs that could crush a watermelon as bad as Left Eye's jeep... imagine what she'd do to your chromepiece. Don't give a fuck what happened after but then one of them got kicked out and they all cried like middle aged bitches on Maury and some bre spat a fuckin super wack freestyle where he said "I dont know what to do" like 3 times and made up some words (some fuckin SERIOUS Lil Wayne shit right there). I'd try and imitate how wack this shit was (because I almost smacked the nearest shorty desperately tryin to get to my 50cal with rage) but I just get too $pawny and I end up spittin straight murder with made up words (the bre said 'pre' as a verb, THAT SHIT DON'T EXIST SON). As I sat there watchin these mouth breathers talk about some mad dumb shit I realized that Channel 5 could make a motherfuckin ton of Gs if the show got more interesting - ie if they paid me to do this ting for em (holla at ya $pawn executive bitches)

WHY THIS BITCH-GRAMME WOULD BE LESS WACK IF IT GOT $PAWNY AS FUCK:
1) The shopping budget would be 20 gs a week and be spent on serious VIP shit only - Cristal, 'Caine, Endo and Steak. No other motherfucker gets a say in what its spent on because they all straight up pussies who buy shit like salad and tampons.
2) Those bitches that play eerybody and think they sexy as fuck? Yeah that shit stops right now, I'd have em crying twice in the first hour: once as I verbally slapped they ass back in place and twice as they gag reflexes kick in when my VIPenis fucks they throats.
3) No more bitchy arguments over stupid bullshit like fuckin everything in that retard camp, that 'extroverted' 'arty' bre thats typical in this shit (if I'm wrong with this series then I don't give a square fuck) bitching about not doing the washing up? DON'T MAKE ME SMACK A BITCH, SON
4) All house 'tasks' would be changed to either 'staying the fuck outta my way' or 'fucking in the hot tub' (obviously for the shortys only)
5) The waste shit they play for em over the house PA's gettin changed to M.O.P. and M.O.P. only, for at least 2 hours a day because that oestrogen lair needs some more fuckin serious aggy shit.

Thats it motherfuckers, Imma go lift some weights and forget about wastecadets watching wastecadets be wastecadets.

Peace

Skinny

Aight,

So since I'm in a new hood I've been seein a load of motherfuckers wearin some jeans that either they illiterate and they cant read which size they are or they all deluding themselves into thinkin they look good like a fat bitch eatin a 'low calorie' trifle after her fried chicken. Lets get this straight once and for motherfuckin all - skinny jeans are designed for bitches like the fly ass lower half of the shorty in this photo. WHO SKINNY JEANS ARE NOT DESIGNED FOR: 1) Fat girls - if you not confident enough to wear a fly ass miniskirt then skinny jeans sure as fuck aren't a more conservative way for you to show off what you got because what you got is cellulite and the beginnings of type 2 diabetes. Dont get me wrong, if you curvy then $pawn loves ya but curvy means like bitch be thick at the very most, if you got a gunt and yo ass is big (but not the good kind) you just fat so get out of the kitchen and do a few thousand laps, then we'll talk. In the meantime seein that shit makes me ill so just wear somethin that draws attention away from your butter physique and the king size galaxy bar in yo chubby ass hands. 2) Bres - if you a bre and you wearin skinny jeans somebody gotta slap you stupid and call it help. I ain't hatin I'm helpin - its like if you see a retarded kid runnin down the street I'd help him to find his parents (writin this shit) instead of pushin the little motherfucker into oncoming traffic (lettin you dumbasses keep wearin skinny jeans). If you wearin this shit eerybody thinks you a grade A pussy - I dont know how a motherfucker fits his penis in those things, fuck even tryin to bust a  sick as fuck knee on some fool. If a shorty thinks you sexy in these then she just wants another bitch with a flesh strap-on and denim rash. Then again if you one of the bitch-made wastecadets wearin these topshop created castrations then you probably too busy cryin about feelings or discussin obscure-for-the-sake-of-it music by suburban motherfuckers who saw a fight once on tv and pissed themselves for three days straight. I dont even give a fuck about fashion and I aint gonna judge a motherfucker on what they wearin but fat bitches and wastemen in these things just aint right nahmean?  Bottom line is - wear what you want as long as you look fly. Second bottom line is - shape up London cause it's gettin $pawny. 

Egoism

Aight,

So my homie Diamante D gave me a heads up-that bitch that you'd totally fuck (and if you say you wouldn't you either lying to yourself about your standards or your sexuality nahmean?) Katie 'Jordohshitsonlookatthesizeofthosem
otherfuckers' Price has made her own magazine about herself apparently. I gotta say 'apparently' because I'm not giving the bitch the satisfaction of paying to read about how she wants to get married or some shit. NEWSFLASH motherfuckers, bitch's female of course she wants to get married, its like catnip to those dumbasses (serious just throw an engagement ring at one and watch her roll around on the floor with it like a retarded-ass-feline). Would y'all pay some ducats to if I did this shit with the same level of straight up shiteating obviousness? Well yeah I guess y'all would cause that shit'd be good and your bound to see some tits by like the third page anyways with 'refreshingly honest' articles like $pawn: I want to fuck (see inside) p4. Cocaine is hella fun p7 Smack a bitch - sometimes you just gotta do it! p9 etc etc. It'd be better value that reading some of the vapid shit that goes through this bitchs mind thats for fuckin sure. I bet she doesnt even get her silicone valleys out as well which is kinda dumb but I mean it's not like we haven't seen em before and I'm only paying to see tits if I get to introduce them to the 50cal later you get me? Shorty hasn't even got any mentally redeeming factors - she's dumb as hell and she was a cunt to Peter Andre which don't get me wrong was fuckin hilarious but the guy just doesn't deserve it - he's like a sack of mentally deficient puppies in that motherfuckers always tryin to make people happy and do his best but he just ends up smearing everything with drool and he hasn't worked out not to shit on the sofa. You know who I miss? Motherfuckin Jody Marsh (she set up some strip clubs - bitch knows to stick to what she's good at) but now she's got on that whole bodybuilding flex she just doesn't do it for a gangsta, nahmean? The sex'd be rougher but she'd probably get jealous of my traps and I cant deal with my shortys getting muscle envy. Bottom line is if you gonna make a whole honest-to-fuck magazine about yourself and you stupid as all hell and can't spell materialistic but kinda know what it means (and that you're it you brainless cunt) then don't publish the motherfucker. The second bottom line is that if you're Jody Marsh then you should stick to running strip clubs and giving me an erection when you wear tacky shit instead of bodybuilding. Oh and you should holla at ya $pawn cause I got a high intensity workout for you that'd cut the excess muscle down without turning it to fat (for stupid peeps and glamour models: I'm talkin about fuckin)

Peace